I've HAD it! Work has been steadily getting less and less fulfilling for me and today broke the camel's back. Don't get me wrong. I love nursing. I love nursing as much as I did when I first graduated. It's just that there are LOTS of changes going on right now where I work and I don't necessarily agree with most of them. Again, don't get me wrong. Change is good. I know that. HOWEVER, I like to feel that I hold a pretty high standard when it comes to my profession. Besides this being a result of my incredible OCD, anal retentive, perfectionistic nature, I think that it comes from the basis of my spirituality as well.
Let me explain.
Each and every patient I care for, I care for as if they were my OWN family member laying there. I do. It's the right way to nurse a patient, at least it is for me. I feel as that if I treat each and every patient this way, I will then be giving the absolute best of who I am as a nurse. I feel that each and every single human being deserves that much. Now, that being said, there have been plenty a day and, Lord knows, plenty a patient that just doesn't jive with that. Personalities clash, head-aches occur, days are just "off". . . . it happens and I KNOW that I am not perfect. Those days I reflect on what went awry and I strive to improve it. HOWEVER, lately I seem to see a decline in the work atmosphere where I am. For quite a bit of time, it has felt to me as though our nursing standards keep getting dropped to the lowest common denominator.
I can't live with that.
I am the type of person who, whether I achieve it or not, strives to continually improve and raise my standards. This is true of my nursing, my knitting, my cooking, my parenting, my self. SO, feeling as though my environment keeps dropping to the lowest common denominator is just a moral dilemma for me. How can I say that I provide the best that I can when I witness this perceived drop and continue to stay within it's hold? I've struggled with this for months now. I really like my immediate coworkers and cohorts. Currently, my acting Manager (who is actually my Director but is doing double duty until the Manager position is refilled) is the person who hired me. I love working for her and I feel that she has the same work ethic and nursing philosophy as I do. However, her hands are tied by the wave of change that has swallowed our hospital and can only do so much. My office mate is a great nurse and a great friend. There are a handful of nurses in my departments for whom I hold very high regard and utmost respect.
However, the wave seems to be going towards the decline and those cherished individuals are shadowed by the rest.
I'm going onto Monster. I NEED a new job.
sigh.
I know what I need but it still isn't easy. I hate feeling defeated or disloyal but I do. And yet, I hate feeling as though I sometimes don't want to say where I work b/c I am embarassed by it.
sigh, sigh.
Man, life really is hard, isn't it?
7 comments:
I've been going through the same sort of feelings lately. I completely understand what you're going through. ::hugs::
Since I don't actually know your situation and what has precipitated these feelings, my thoughts may not be applicable. But I have found in my own life, when I began to feel the way you do, that it isn't the situation that has changed, but me. When you have been in a position for a while, you become more mature, more aware of the nuances of the what is happening, more experienced in what should be happening. When you first get into a new situation, you are not as aware of what others are doing because you are focused on what you are doing. It has been my experience that the longer you are in a situation, the more likely it is that you will become disillusioned. I have no advice as to how to handle that situation. But whatever, I'm on your side!
Oh, Jannett- I was so excited to see your post (as I always am), and figured it was a sassy shot of your 'do, and I'm so sad that you're having a rough time of it, especially when you do such important work, and work that you are so passionate about.
I feel like anything I could say at this moment would be trite, but obviously all of us are behind you (me especially) and I hope that you are able to find something that is a good match for you, be it a new position or something negotiated with where you are now.
We all know what you're feeling. Jobs, and the people in charge, do the stupidest things sometimes and forget to look at the big picture. Best of luck with it all.
Thanks for the advice on the Age of Innocence download - I have amazed mys elf b actually finding theiTunes folder - I'm a bit illiterate on the ol' pc front...
Hope the change of job goes well. I used to be a nurse and I was struck dumb the day I was told that we were allowed 4 wipes to clean each patient.....
India
I'm so sorry to hear how bad work has gotten. I've seen how nurses (good & bad) directly affect a patient's life. Not in the medical field at all, I'm amazed that there are such caring individuals who do this day after day. I wish more nurses had the dedication that you have. I hope things get better for you soon.
Just wanted to leave you with my two cents and let you know how important what you do is to society. I have struggled with nursing as a career and just can't bring myself to do it for the very reasons you talk about in your post. I'm not as brave as you are! I can't handle giving the level of care that should be and deal with bulls*%# from the employment situation at the same time. Just know that having nurses that are dedicated to giving this level of caring are PRICELESS, and it means EVERYTHING when someone is sick even if they don't realize it at the time. The beauty part about nursing is that wherever you go, you will make a difference.
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