When did a Decade become so short????

My baby is 10 today. TEN people. As in Double Digits. A whole decade old. How did this happen????

I spent yesterday thinking about it all day. I remembered bringing him home. I remembered the labor and the birth. I remembered everything I did the day I went into labor. I remembered everything that happened throughout the pregnancy. I remembered the 2 miscarriages, the feeling that I would NEVER have a baby of my own, the endometrial biopsy, the hormone replacements, the spotting, the "miscarriage" scare, the borderline placenta previa, the uterine growth deficit (it just stopped growing at 36 weeks), all of it.

And I wouldn't change one bit of it.

I love my son. I love him more than I ever thought I could love anything. I hate how I have to be the disciplinarian. I hate how I lose my patience at times because in my heart of hearts I KNOW that should be a better mom. I hate that he's not a baby anymore. . . . . .

He is my joy, my heart and my life. I can't imagine what I would be if I did not have him in my life.

I've loved every moment, every laugh, every tear, every fear, every hug and every kiss.

I don't deserve to be his mom and I am thankful every day that I was blessed to have him.

Happy Birthday Sweetie.

May you have many, many more decades of joy and laughter.

Thank you for YOU!

Thanks Jennifer

Make your own here

Got slapped hard today

So, I was minding my own business today living my little suburban life not bothering a soul. Then I got SLAPPED down to reality and it stung. HARD. Let me explain.

First, I do not read the newspaper and I do not watch the news. I like to live in ignorant bliss. I lived in New Orleans for 3 years and had a nightly bet with DH on the number of murders in the city for that day (and we NEVER guessed "0"). Then we had a child and I came to the realization that we live in a somewhat sad, sad world. Having to deal with depression at times when things are going OK is hard enough let alone having to read or hear all of the horrors surrounding me daily. I just stopped reading the paper or watching the news. It's easier that way. DH fills me in on all the BIG stuff and I go on my day blissfully ignorant but functioning in my pseudo world.

So, what happened today you might ask? Well, like I said, I was busy being a regular suburban wife cleaning my really too big for a family of three house and then got into my gas guzzling really too big for ANYBODY to drive SUV to run a few errands. I stopped for lunch at a really too expensive for a FREAKIN' individual-sized pizza place and decided to grab a couple of (what I thought were entertainment news or community-based) papers to read while I ate my lunch alone. I happened to pick up a copy of Epoch Times which, it turns out, is a weekly paper on the happenings of the world. Their tag line is 'A fresh look at our changing world'. YIKES.

I thought to myself "this is a newspaper" but curiosity about Canada and China meeting got to me and I read the story. BRAKE FOR REALITY CHECK HERE.

"Organ Harvesting" is apparently going to be a hot topic of discussion when Prime Minister Harper meets with the Chinese. Idiotically, ignorant and naive lil' old me thought that this was about organ donation. UH - NO! Apparently, the Chinese have been rumored, reported to or just plain out right KNOWN to be executing prisoners to take organs for foreigners who pay a pretty penny for said organs. WHAT?!???!!!?!

HOLY CRAP Batman, is this for real??????!!!?!?!?!!!! Apparently so, to quote one of the articles

The recent acknowledgement by China's Deputy Minister of Health, Huang Jiefu, that the country has an organ harvesting "problem" has provoked differing reactions among the international community.

No Shit, really? Reactions? HECK yeah. Dude, they are 'harvesting' organs and not from brain dead patients who had previously declared their wishes or with permission from said brain dead patients' families. Oh no, the Chinese have been (it's almost to horrific to even type) executing prisoners and taking their organs regardless of their wishes for the transplant business that they have started there.

This IS 2006 right? We are not back in barbaric times where a human life means nothing except for what it can bring to you, right? Now, I'm not going to get into my or anyone else's opinion on Capital Punishment and/or Organ Donation. Suffice it to say that I am not one who would be standing outside the penitentiary with a candle in my hand, ok? Please let's not get into these topics in the comments as that is not the intention of this post and I will not be allowing them there.

What this post IS about is the ignorant, idiotic, naive bliss that I have been living in. How could I be so stupid as to allow myself to live my pampered, overly indulgent and yes 'princess' life so unaware of these horrors that are occuring throughout the world. How dare I complain about anything when I don't have to worry about where I'll sleep, if I'll eat, what to wear, or fear any sort of horrific acts on myself/family such as organ harvesting, bombings, police raids/murders/kidnappings, religious persecutions, etc., etc.

OH, yeah, THAT'S why I stopped reading the paper and watching the news. Because the horrors that mankind inflict on each other are way too much for me to bear. I just can't do it. I am weak. I am cowardly. I don't want to know because I can't know because I can't deal with thinking about these things without empathising with those poor souls sentenced to a life filled with all these horrors and more.

I wish I were stronger. I wish I were braver. I wish I were powerful. But I am not.

So, I can't know. I need to be ignorant for my own self-preservation.

To those in the world that are imprisoned by these ghastly acts. . . . .I am so sorry. I really am.