KnittingNurse

Just a place where I can sit and write my thoughts on my newest passion. . . . . knitting. Hopefully, I will better document my progress throughout knitting and get in touch with others as obsessed as I am!

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

So, THAT's it!

I've HAD it! Work has been steadily getting less and less fulfilling for me and today broke the camel's back. Don't get me wrong. I love nursing. I love nursing as much as I did when I first graduated. It's just that there are LOTS of changes going on right now where I work and I don't necessarily agree with most of them. Again, don't get me wrong. Change is good. I know that. HOWEVER, I like to feel that I hold a pretty high standard when it comes to my profession. Besides this being a result of my incredible OCD, anal retentive, perfectionistic nature, I think that it comes from the basis of my spirituality as well.

Let me explain.

Each and every patient I care for, I care for as if they were my OWN family member laying there. I do. It's the right way to nurse a patient, at least it is for me. I feel as that if I treat each and every patient this way, I will then be giving the absolute best of who I am as a nurse. I feel that each and every single human being deserves that much. Now, that being said, there have been plenty a day and, Lord knows, plenty a patient that just doesn't jive with that. Personalities clash, head-aches occur, days are just "off". . . . it happens and I KNOW that I am not perfect. Those days I reflect on what went awry and I strive to improve it. HOWEVER, lately I seem to see a decline in the work atmosphere where I am. For quite a bit of time, it has felt to me as though our nursing standards keep getting dropped to the lowest common denominator.

I can't live with that.

I am the type of person who, whether I achieve it or not, strives to continually improve and raise my standards. This is true of my nursing, my knitting, my cooking, my parenting, my self. SO, feeling as though my environment keeps dropping to the lowest common denominator is just a moral dilemma for me. How can I say that I provide the best that I can when I witness this perceived drop and continue to stay within it's hold? I've struggled with this for months now. I really like my immediate coworkers and cohorts. Currently, my acting Manager (who is actually my Director but is doing double duty until the Manager position is refilled) is the person who hired me. I love working for her and I feel that she has the same work ethic and nursing philosophy as I do. However, her hands are tied by the wave of change that has swallowed our hospital and can only do so much. My office mate is a great nurse and a great friend. There are a handful of nurses in my departments for whom I hold very high regard and utmost respect.

However, the wave seems to be going towards the decline and those cherished individuals are shadowed by the rest.

I'm going onto Monster. I NEED a new job.

sigh.

I know what I need but it still isn't easy. I hate feeling defeated or disloyal but I do. And yet, I hate feeling as though I sometimes don't want to say where I work b/c I am embarassed by it.

sigh, sigh.

Man, life really is hard, isn't it?

11 Comments:

At 12:16 AM , Blogger Erin said...

I've been going through the same sort of feelings lately. I completely understand what you're going through. ::hugs::

 
At 9:31 AM , Blogger Mom (a.k.a. Mary Ann) said...

Since I don't actually know your situation and what has precipitated these feelings, my thoughts may not be applicable. But I have found in my own life, when I began to feel the way you do, that it isn't the situation that has changed, but me. When you have been in a position for a while, you become more mature, more aware of the nuances of the what is happening, more experienced in what should be happening. When you first get into a new situation, you are not as aware of what others are doing because you are focused on what you are doing. It has been my experience that the longer you are in a situation, the more likely it is that you will become disillusioned. I have no advice as to how to handle that situation. But whatever, I'm on your side!

 
At 9:47 AM , Blogger Liz said...

You have to do what is best for you. I learned many years ago that if you are not happy at work (where most of us spend a majority of our waking hours) the rest of your life suffers.

Hugs and good thoughts sent your way!

 
At 10:26 AM , Blogger Esther said...

Awwww. I'm sorry you're having such a rough time at work. Just so you know, nurses like you make all the difference. When we went to the hospital with my dad we had one good nurse who really got things done and CARED about my dad's situation. Without that nurse the experience would have been totally awful. I understand you wanting to be in an environment that is a better fit with your work ethic and personality. I hope you are able to find something where your talents will really mesh! :) Just know I appreciate the work that you do and I'm sure countless others do too!

 
At 10:57 AM , Blogger irishmama said...

Sorry to hear you're having such a rough time at work. I fully understand where you are coming from. I too have always taken care of my patients as if they were ny Mom or Dad, and I'm anal too. I've been disheartened by some of the newer nurses(not All), very task oriented, none of the little things that can mean so much ie touch, brushing hair, and talking to them. Its sad to say nursing is not the same, and there are changes everyday some good some bad. One of our good changes is First Touch, we have to take off our stethoscopes and go in and say Hello to our patients, tell them what is going on, it has made an amazing difference in our unit, but it is sad that this has to be taught and does not come automatically to some. I hope you get through this, the only advice I can give you is take your time looking, or see if there is anything you can do to make it better for you to stay where you are (you see to really love it there), or maybe this is a chance for you to do something completely different. Whatever you decide, I'll be thinking about you.

 
At 4:09 PM , Blogger Dianne said...

One of the saddest things the current crisis in nurse staffing is the decline of the ability to feel as if we are giving great care.One of the ways I found to change the system is by becoming a nurse educator. i now have the opportunity to influence the future of nursing by teaching my students what makes a really good nurse--maybe that is something you might like to try.? I completely empathize with your dilemma, and wish you the best

 
At 9:19 PM , Blogger Cathi said...

Oh, Jannett- I was so excited to see your post (as I always am), and figured it was a sassy shot of your 'do, and I'm so sad that you're having a rough time of it, especially when you do such important work, and work that you are so passionate about.

I feel like anything I could say at this moment would be trite, but obviously all of us are behind you (me especially) and I hope that you are able to find something that is a good match for you, be it a new position or something negotiated with where you are now.

 
At 6:07 AM , Blogger bethanie said...

We all know what you're feeling. Jobs, and the people in charge, do the stupidest things sometimes and forget to look at the big picture. Best of luck with it all.

 
At 6:39 AM , Blogger Midsummer night's knitter said...

Thanks for the advice on the Age of Innocence download - I have amazed mys elf b actually finding theiTunes folder - I'm a bit illiterate on the ol' pc front...
Hope the change of job goes well. I used to be a nurse and I was struck dumb the day I was told that we were allowed 4 wipes to clean each patient.....
India

 
At 8:42 PM , Blogger knit_chick said...

I'm so sorry to hear how bad work has gotten. I've seen how nurses (good & bad) directly affect a patient's life. Not in the medical field at all, I'm amazed that there are such caring individuals who do this day after day. I wish more nurses had the dedication that you have. I hope things get better for you soon.

 
At 11:06 PM , Blogger veronica said...

Just wanted to leave you with my two cents and let you know how important what you do is to society. I have struggled with nursing as a career and just can't bring myself to do it for the very reasons you talk about in your post. I'm not as brave as you are! I can't handle giving the level of care that should be and deal with bulls*%# from the employment situation at the same time. Just know that having nurses that are dedicated to giving this level of caring are PRICELESS, and it means EVERYTHING when someone is sick even if they don't realize it at the time. The beauty part about nursing is that wherever you go, you will make a difference.

 

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