I've had an Epiphany
Ok, to begin with, let's get some business out of the way. Yes, it's been a long time since I've blogged. No, I will not be apologizing for it this time. Here's why:
1. This is MY blog and I should decide when and if I choose to write something.
2. Anyone who knows and likes me will just be glad that I've written something and won't care how long it's been. And finally,
3. If there are people who don't like that it's taken so long for me to write, they probably aren't following me anymore so, who is there left to apologize too?
So, now that THAT'S out of the way. . . .
Like I stated in my title, I've had an Epiphany. No, not the Roman Catholic kind (although we do celebrate Epiphany and I got a nifty new GPS but I digress), a personal kind. . . .
I like my husband.
Surprised? No? Well, let me explain.
Yes, I love my husband. Of course I do. If I didn't I wouldn't have married him or still be married to him 22 years later. But does loving your husband actually mean liking him, as a person independent of being a husband? Unfortunately, I have recently come to believe that the 2 aren't necessarily inclusive to eachother.
It seems that the older I get and the more I actually LISTEN to what people mean when they speak (it's easy to hear but one must actively LISTEN to fully grasp the intent behind words) I've noticed something disturbing. A lot of woman don't necessarily 'like' their husbands despite loving them.
I have come to feel that loving someone is an emotional response whereas likeing someone is an intellectual one. And that, my friends, is the paradox of the husband situation. We fall in love with our heart and in like with our brains and sometimes those two organs are at odds with eachother.
Why do you think that best friends aren't always someone's spouse?
Sure, you love your spouse with all your heart and you get that little fluttery feeling when you think of him/her and it's all safe and sound with them as your partner but,. . . . . . when you need to vent and dish out the dirt or complain about work or try to decide what to do about a given situation who do you turn to? Your best friend. Your bestfriend understands where you stand on issues, what's important to you and what you like on your salad. Your best friend is the person that you are going to talk to when something happens and you just HAVE TO TELL SOMEONE ABOUT IT. Your best friend is the person who you call when you want to discuss your favorite TV show and how you can't wait until next week to find out where the Tardis is going to be and how the Doctor is so damn cute and how you wish you were british and (oh, dear, let's get back on track - pardon me).
So, there I was minding my own business recently, sitting in bed and multitasking (i.e. watching TV, playing on the computer and attempting to check my email) when I looked over at my husband (also multitasking but replace playing on the computer with reading) and I thought to myself "Self, you have a really great friend sitting next to you right now" and I realized that not only do I love my husband but I like him. Well, the thought didn't just come to me. It was an evolutiono of a conversation in my mind.
I was multitasking and along with all the stuff I previously listed, I was also thinking about conversations I had had with friends/acquantances at work and about complaints they had regarding their spouses/partners. Then I thought, "huh, I don't think I had much to complain about DH today" then the thought crossed my mind "hey, when I complain about DH it's about something that we disagree on usually and not about him as a person" and that lead to "wait, most of the time I hear people actually complain about their spouse/partner with regard to something inherent about them as a person" and that's when I got the BAM "I like my husband" thought.
I leaned over and kissed him on the head and he said "what was that for?" and I said "nothing" and he said "oh, that was sweet. Thanks babe." and continued to multitask.
I sighed and continued to multitask but this time I was smiling.
yeah, I like my husband. I would hang out with him and want to do stuff with him and go out to places with him and invite him over even if he weren't my husband. I'd be his friend even if we weren't married and unfortunately, I think that there are a lot of people out there who, if they truly looked into their heart of hearts, would be able to say that they love their husbands/wives/partners but, if they weren't in love with them, they may no like them per se.
My hubby and I can have mediocre conversations about the trivial things in life or can crack each other up over some stupid comment or show or can discuss deep issues and even agree to disagree (you should see us argue about Capital punishment) and yet, we respect each other and I still like him. Hopefully he feels the same.
BTW, I should be trying to finish up "The girl with the dragon tattoo". . . I haven't been totally enthralled with it yet. I think there might be something wrong with me. I just don't get all the hooplah yet. Hopefully it will come to me soon b/c book club is next week and I need to be done. UGH.