WHUCK is over my head and why does it feel like I need an umbrella??

I called off from work today. Yep. I had it yesterday. 5 different patients:

2 transfers out to the ICU,
1 discharge,
1 admission from ER who clearly should have been ICU not stepdown but, "we know you can take good care of her*" and "putting her in the ICU will just make her less of a person" are the comments you get from the MFDs (referring to physician's degrees - I'm sure you can all decipher) when you question her status, and
1 transfer from med floor with a whopping 160 heart rate, SOB, clammy and hypotensive

REALLY??? WHUCK is over my head and why does it feel like I need an umbrella??

So, I got home, ate, showered, took a muscle relaxant b/c I couldn't stand hearing my back yell at me any longer and went to bed. UGH.

But, here I lay now, in bed, after 1100am, awake less than 1/2 hour and pondering what to do with the day. Here's what I've come up with:

1. Nothing
2. Start up on the laundry since DH is having a bad week and you do have an unexpected day
off after all
3. Watch more Doctor Who
4. Pack for this weekend's BHI trip with my girls
5. Nothing
6. Finally finish up that damn book so that you can start this month's book club selection
7. Work on the girls xmas gifts which you are to present them with this weekend (see #4)
8. Finally put out this week's flex team newsletter for work so that you at least make SOME pesos today.
9. Nothing
10. Work on DH's felted clogs that were due to him since last Fall

I think I like 1, 5 and 9 the best. We'll see how those go and then decide from there. Hey, 3 out of 10 ain't bad right?

*So, BTW, this is a blog written by an actual, practicing, 4 year degree, registered nurse with over 20 years of critical care experience under her cap (just kidding, I hate those damn things) so, let me give you all a piece of advice. NEVER, EVER, EVER ask a nurse to "please take good care of Grandma, Mom, Son, Cousin, Hubby, Sister, Priest, self, next door neighbor, WHOMEVER!" Why you might ask? Well, would you tell a chef at a restaurant to "please be sure to actually cook my meal correctly" or a Salesperson to "please scan my item the right way" or to the dentist "please drill the correct tooth" or to your doctor "please give me the right prescription" (OK, you might have a point with the last one but you get what I mean).......

It's an insult. If a nurse wasn't going to take good care of your X,Y,Z she wouldn't have shown up to work. OK, sometimes there are nurses that might make you question that but DAMMIT, not all of us and that sure as hell better not come out of the mouth of some snot-nosed, yet to be independent, I've been a nurse almost as long as you've been alive, just out of internship, I've saved your ass on more than one occasion resident who thinks they don't sound condescending as they say it to you.

I'm not sayin', just sayin'.

Back to taking care of 1,3 and 9. Isn't it great to be productive?

Daily Thought

July 15, 2008
The Grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for.
— Allan K. Chalmers


I am one of those people that sign up for all sorts of stuff in her email. I can't help it. I'm a sucker. One of the things I get is a daily thought. Sometimes I open them, others I just delete. Some of them hit home and others have no impact at all. I am a believer in kismet, synchronicity, karma, fate, call it what you may and I think that things come to you at just the right time when you really need them most. Like when I am really feeling pissy about my life and how "unfair" it all is and then I go to work and take care of someone who has had their world cave in on them. I always take a look up and say "Ok God, I hear you and I will shut up. Thanks for the reminder!"

So, anyway, today's daily thought spoke to me. Not because I am not happy, I am (today is a good day). It's just that happiness can be so fleeting and we often take it for granted.

Now, since my "active" posting a lot has gone on. Hate to repeat but, there was the accident, the hot water heater, the downstairs a/c (replaced last week) and now the upstairs a/c (thankfully we have, since last week, renewed our home warranty contract so it will be, at least partially, covered this time). I am, as I type, waiting for the a/c repair people to come check it out. So, still happy though, why?

Well, because in the last few weeks I have been dealing with another issue that has really made me take a good look at life and what matters and what happiness really is. I am in the midst of a health issue that I have wondered about posting vs. not posting. For right now, let's just leave it as, I am going in next week for further tests and then I will have a definitive answer. I'm not trying to be sneaky, I just would rather wait to have a clear diagnosis (or hopefully not) before typing. As I said, I was debating about whether or not I should post about it until later but, I've been really good about keeping it to myself and I felt I needed a bit of an outlet. So, here's my vague post about the whole thing. Le sigh. Sorry 'bout that. The thing is that I really have a grasp on what truly matters better than I have in the past. I am grateful for that understanding.

So, think of me and say a little prayer if you have a moment. All will be revealed in the next couple of weeks. . . . .


Tonight is swim meet night. Woohoo. Go SHARKS! I should post some new pix of the boy soon. . . . .


Still knitting on SOTS-II but signed up for SOTS-III anyway! Ravelry link.

Tag you are it!

First, Moriah tagged me for a little meme that's kinda cute and been running around (frankly I'm surprised that any of you are still here with as lazy as I've been about blogging):P. Here be the specifics:

1) Link to the person who tagged you.
2) Post the rules.
3) Share six non-important things / habits / quirks about yourself.
4) Tag at least three people.
5) Be sure the people you tagged KNOW you tagged them by commenting what you did.

My stuff:

1. I am a neat freak at work everything has to be in it's place and any non-essentials thrown away. All my tubings, bags, bottles, syringes must be fresh and dated. However outside of work, I have many multiple piles all over the house and never put the same thing in the same spot twice. Despite this, I know where everything is. This drives my husband insane.

2. I DESPISE putting laundry away. I don't mind washing and drying. I even like folding things the right way so that everything is nice and neat and the same size. . . . .and then UGH! Hate, hate, hate, hate, hate putting it away. What a waste of time! Again, hubby is driven batty.

3. I had two miscarriages before successfully carrying our son. I spotted with his pregnancy and fretted over him the entire pregnancy (although I continued to work until the day I went into labor). I called my hubby with each and every twang putting him into fits of despair I am sure although he was extremely supportive.

4. I was very close to my great-grandmother growing up. She died on the day before my first communion. About 3 years later, I saw her sitting on the edge of my bed waving at me to let me know she was there. My husband thinks it was all a dream. It was in the middle of the day and I know what I saw. Nobody else saw her. Hubby thinks I'm insane on this point. Whatever.

5. My day isn't successful unless I make my patient smile at least once in my shift (barring those days when I am lucky just to keep my patient alive through my shift). There's nothing better than to hear your patient laugh or to see their eyes light up as they smile - especially when they do it despite their breathing tubes, etc. Makes my day every time. No insanity with this one, just some Patch Adams therapy (Ok, maybe a little craziness from me but would you rather have Nurse Ratched?)

6. I got my first (and so far only) tattoo at the age of 36. It took me that long b/c I wanted something that would mean something to me no matter my age AND that wouldn't look silly when I was old (gotta love them grandmas with their skull tattoos or birds/flowers on the breasts- NICE) and give my family something to be horrified about. I settled on the Univ of Miami split "U". It's on my lower back. Yeah, it's a tramp stamp but I like it and it isn't going to turn into some unidentifiable blob when I am old. Hmmm, does that make me crazy?

hmmmmmm I think I am going to tag. . . . . .

1. A Nurse who Knits

2. Knitting RN

3. Nurse Shar Knits


Oh, and BTW, could you tell that I had a fabulous day at work today?????!!!!???

Good Morning Meme!

I hadn't seen this one before and I thought it was a good one so here I go! (Found and stolen from Amy)


MOUTHOLOGY
Q. What is your favorite fast food restaurant? A. Before we moved to NC I would have said Wendy's because that was my best option in OH. However, now that we have plenty of Chick-Fil-A restaurants around, that would be my answer. When I was a little girl, it was always a treat to have a chicken sandwich from Chick-fil-a whenever I would go to the mall with my folks so, it's a comforting favorite for me.

Q. What is your favorite sit-down restaurant? A. I have to pick one? Really? I guess I would have to say that it depends on my mood. DH and I are always trying new restaurants so, I really can't just pick one.

Q. On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant? A. 15-20% however, I will say that I have no qualms about leaving as little as 5% if I have poor service. I won't ever not leave a tip because I want to be sure that they realize that I didn't "forget" or that I'm a non-tipping jerk. I want them to realize that poor service doesn't get rewarded in my book. I'm pretty lenient in my definition though. If it's busy or the kitchen's fault, I don't fault the server. However, not friendly or forgetfulness/unavailability from a server = minimal tip.

Q. What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of? A. Pasta or gouda cheese & bread.

Q. What are your pizza toppings of choice? A. Pretty boring on this front, pepperoni with more pepperoni and cheese with extra cheese. What make a pizza for me though is the sauce. It should have some zing to it.

Q. What do you like to put on your toast? A. Butter.


TECHNOLOGY
Q. What is your wallpaper on your computer? A. Some boring canned wallpaper available from the computer.

Q. How many televisions are in your house? A. In use, three. All together 5 (1 in the guest bedroom and 1 in the attic not really used) It's so bad but we are TV addicts.


BIOLOGY
Q. Are you right-handed or left-handed? A. Right.

Q. Have you ever had anything removed from your body? A. I don't think so.

Q. What is the last heavy item you lifted? A. Er, probably a patient on Friday at work.

Q. Have you ever been knocked unconscious? A. Nope though there have been plenty of times when I wish I would have fainted.


BULL****OLOGY
Q. If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die? A. Geez, that's a hard one. Part of me would say yep and the other part says not a chance.

Q. If you could change your name, what would you change it to? A. I don’t know that I would change my first name but I might consider changing my middle name from "de los Angeles" (spanish for "of the Angels") to just plain Angela.

Q. What color do you think looks best on you? A. Fire engine red.

Q. Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake? A. Not that I can remember.

Q. Have you ever saved some one’s life? A. Many a time. Nurses save lives daily (and probably more than doctor's do, but, hey I'm biased that way!)

Q. Has someone ever saved yours? A. Yep. When I was about 8 years old or so I accidentally jumped into the deep end of a pool and began to struggle to get out (couldn't swim at the time very much at all and I panicked). Suddenly I saw an arm reaching for me in the midst of all my air bubbles in the water and a wonderful man had pulled me out of the water to safety. I learned to swim (not well but I can tread water) RIGHT after that.


DAREOLOGY
Q. Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100? A. Absolutely.

Q. Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000? A. Not a chance. I might not be able to knit or cook or craft or, etc. . . . .

Q. Would you never blog again for $50,000? A. I hate to say it but yep, (although I would miss you all, I could 'see' you all over at Ravelry! tee hee)

Q. Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000? A. Heck yeah. I might reconsider, if DH was against it though. Although I think he wouldn't mind b/c that's a lot of money and he would probably be proud that someone actually asked me to do it!

Q. Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000? A. If I was given enough time to finish it, absolutely!

Q. Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000? A. No, although, much to my hubby's chagrin, I am pro-capital punishment I wouldn't never try to play judge/jury.


DUMBOLOGY
Q: What is in your left pocket? A: Zilch.

Q: Is Napoleon Dynamite actually a good movie? A: It has it's moments but overall I would say it's just an OK movie.

Q: Do you sit or stand in the shower? A: Stand.

Q: Could you live with roommates? A: I think that I would be fine. I lived at home until I got married so I've never had a roomate other than DH and I think we've done OK for almost 19 years now.

Q: How many pairs of flip flops do you own? A: Not enough. I don't ever wear them "out" but I do like to wear them around during the summer. I currently have 5 pairs - 4 plastic/rubber and 1 pair in leather. I match my flips to my swimsuits when going to the pool. I know, I'm a dork.

Q: Last time you had a run-in with the cops? A: When I got a speeding ticket last year when my mom and aunt where visiting (I failed to notice the speed limit drop from 45 to 35mph in an area of Raleigh that I hadn't been familiar with).

Q: What do you want to be when you grow up? A: If I weren't already doing it I would STILL want to be a nurse.


LASTOLOGY
Q: Last Friend you talked to? A: Other than my DH and DS it would be Kathleen.

Q: Last person who called you? Kathleen.

Q: Last person you saw? A: DH and DS


FAVORITOLOGY
Q: Number? A: Eight. I like that it's the symbol for infinity turned on it's side.

Q: Season? A: That would be a toss up between Spring and Fall (although Spring has a slight edge b/c of all the flowers).


CURRENTOLOGY
Q: Missing someone? A: Yea, I miss my Dad and my Mother-in-law every day (they both died way too young).

Q: Mood? A: Peaceful (we just got back from church).

Q: Listening to? A: Drag racing that DH and DS are watching on the TV right now.

Q: Watching? A: Nothing but my computer screen right now.

Q: Worrying about? A: Funny, I'm such a worrier but right now, I'm not worrying about anything. That will change in about 30 seconds I'm sure. ;-}


RANDOMOLOGY
Q: First place you went this morning? A: 10:30 Mass.

Q: What can you not wait to do? A: Finish knitting my Secret of the Stole 2 (oh yeah, finish SOTS 1 too!)

Q: What’s the last movie you saw? A: “Mr. Magorium's Magic Emporium”

Q: Do you smile often? A: All the time.

Q: Are you a friendly person? A: I go out of my way to try and be friendly to every one. I used to be a wall flower (no, really, you can email hubby if you don't believe me!) but then I broke out of my shell and now I think I have been making up for lost time!


That's was fun to do. Like it? Go ahead and take it!

Good vs. Bad

The GOOD:

The Indians are on their way to Fenway Park! :-)

The BAD:

We are in NC this year and are missing all the 'fever' in Cleveland. :-(



The GOOD:

My FIL and his wife are coming to visit this weekend! :-)

The BAD:

I need to do some major housework between today and tomorrow. :-(



The GOOD:

DH STILL loves his job and has just had his 1 year anniversary! :-)

The BAD:

He's been doing a lot of traveling and is set to do more still. :-(


AND last but not least. . . . . . . . .



The GOOD:

One sleeve down and just one to go! :-)

The BAD:

Work has been so busy and life so crazy that I haven't had time to knit and I still don't have that much! :-(

Yes God, I'm listening. . .

Every once in a while, I'll have a day where I feel like God is slapping me across the head saying "What are you complaining about?!?" - Either that or "Really, you have a fabulous life y'know!" - I know that these days happen to everyone but as a nurse, these days happen a whole hell of a lot more often and to a higher degree.

Today was one of those days. Thankfully my patients were relatively "stable" (used loosely here). Both post car wrecks, one still wearing a Halo for a broken cervical vertebra (i.e. broken neck) and the other a paraplegic as a result of the accident. One is 3 weeks post accident (the paraplegic) and the other is 1 week out and still needs a cervical fusion (the Halo patient) but stable. That can be enough some days to make you realize how lucky you really are but the kicker today has really sucked every bit of emotional reserve out of me.

The shift started with one of our nurses having been called in early to go take a trauma patient off the unit to have examinations/tests done - BAD car accident. VERY. VERY. BAD. 4 hours, 2 "in the ICU room" open belly surgeries (yep, right there in the room), over 2 dozen (and counting at the time) blood products and one trip to the actual OR later. . . . the patient died of massive internal injuries on the OR table. Less than 10 months after an older sibling had died. Leaving a twin sibling as an only living child and a set of unbelievably distraught but wonderful parents with another child loss way to early. VERY. VERY. BAD. ACCIDENT.

1 1/2 hours later we got the call about a second "disaster patient" (i.e. severe trauma). Another car accident. Another BAD accident. Patient who was in the 24th week of a pregnancy. Severe internal injuries, severe head injury and multiple, multiple fractures. Loss of the fetal heart tones at the scene of the accident. No responsiveness since the wreck. Massive hemorrhaging. EVERYWHERE. A second destroyed family in the blink of an eye and in the span of a single 12 hour shift. The patient was still there when we left. . .well, in the physical sense (not sure about spiritually).

So, all day long I just kept thinking of how precious and fleeting life can be and how things that seem to drive us crazy and get under our skin REALLY don't matter that much in the end. . . .

SIGH.

Wear your seatbelts, kay?